I catch myself doing things that most would assume indicate that I’m somehow, in some way, ashamed of my spirituality. I mean, honestly, if it were someone else, I certainly may have mistakenly assumed such, earlier in my life. Now, of course, I have a different perspective because I AM that person.
It’s not big things, mind you, or anything that could be seen as an act of negation, but it does raise the question. For instance, I don’t like to blast my Christian music, when I’m in the mood to play it; I avoid posting things that could be construed as religious, like this post, too often; and I’m careful not to associate with any particular religious affiliation.
And you know what else? After these little incidents happen, I’m filled with shame, remorse, as if I did them on purpose and intended to act like I don’t care so much about my relationship with God, when in reality, I consider it the most important one of my life.
So, me being me, I sat here and I thought about it. What was making me do this and then making me feel bad about it afterward? I couldn’t wrap my head around it last night, but just about an hour ago, it slid into clear view. The reason, I mean, and it made me feel vindicated and pissed at the same time.
What’s the reason?
People like this:
This disgusting person who says that he speaks for God and proceeds to tell people, desperate people – some who have a spouse that’s diagnosed with a fatal affliction and they’ve exhausted every avenue of hope and are just hanging on by a thread – people like that who have already, I’m sure, put themselves in massive debt to exhaust all those avenues; people that are looking for comfort; some relief, some refuge. Like we all would, in their situation.
And instead, they get this asshole telling them that for $1000, HE’LL pray to God for them, because, you know, God doesn’t listen to EVERYBODY. BUT, if HE prays to God, then God will pay attention. HOLY SHIT. HOLY BULLSHIT‼
The level of fury I feel towards people like this, I can’t do justice via an explanation. I don’t have strong enough words to express the degree of outrage just the thought of people like this create in me. So I won’t keep rambling on about it. It’ll just irritate me more and make me more likely to lapse into a belligerent rant. Well, a bigger one, haha!
Instead, I’m going to go the opposite way and rather than what I may have done before, which would be to hightail it out of here, probably deleting this post on my way out, I’m going to share with you what’s in my heart.
I know that God loves every one of us. I know that the only 2 words God uses when He thinks of us are “my child.” Does he know that we do naughty, even heinous things? Duh. But I believe that God forgives us anything that we do, if we’re truly sorry and if we understand what we did wrong and that it IS wrong.
But, I also believe that these types of people are where he draws the line. These false prophets who use His name for their own personal gain, at the cost of grief, pain and the continued suffering of those in need. Those who, instead of offering comfort and alleviating any part of the pain that they were given the opportunity to relieve, squeeze harder for a little more blood. These disgusting excuses for people…yeah, I think that’s where He draws the line.
I would say to these charlatans, these money-grubbing greedy pigs, these ugly people- well, I’d say A LOT of things to them, but I’d start with “shame on you.” Not that that would mean much to them, but it is the least of what they should feel. I would tell them that they’re mighty brave to walk around with God’s name in their filthy mouths and pretend that His name belongs there when it is surrounded by intentional deceit. I would WANT to punch them in the throat, but I wouldn’t. I think I wouldn’t. I’d really, really do my very best NOT to punch them in the throat. Moving on.
Anyone who has ever seen or heard ANY PERSON, ANYWHERE, in ANY MEDIUM say or imply in any way that all of us are not able to speak directly to God, please, please, PLEASE, listen to me: THAT IS HORSESHIT MIXED WITH RHINO DUNG.
God, however you’re most comfortable knowing and interacting with Him, loves you. He is always listening to YOU.
I know that faith is not always the easiest thing to maintain during the low lows of life, but that’s when it’s the most powerful. YOU are the most powerful when you can hold on to your faith, even in the darkest moments of your life. It can be your light. I promise that He’ll be there to hold your hand. You don’t need to give ANYBODY a damn cent. Your relationship with God is BFF status, emphasis on the second F.
Of course, I totally got off topic with my tangent tantrum there, but I don’t always have an opportunity to share this part of my faith with others without looking like a wanna be televangelist (to me, haha). And that brings us back to the subject.
I don’t turn my music down or keep quiet because I’m ashamed of God or my relationship and faith in Him; I’ve been doing it because I don’t want there to be even a chance that anyone would ever associate me with the Mike Murdocks and Tammy Faye Bakers of the world, who exploit others faith in the times that they most need support.
The thought of being grouped in with those kinds of people makes me ill. And livid.
But you know what I can’t let that make me? Quiet.
Yes, these assholes have tainted what is sacred. But only inasmuch as the medium they use.
Yes, these vile people are disgusting examples of how NOT to spread the love of God. But that doesn’t mean His love stops.
Notice that I didn’t say the “word” of God. You know why? The “word” of God is His to speak and He does so directly to all of us. We just have to listen a little more carefully, and with our hearts, not our ears.
If I want to see a change happen for the better, I’ve got to change my thinking and my actions. I’ve got to remind those who need reminding that they have God’s direct line, any time they’re in need, all they have to do is call. And I don’t mean call in to some bogus televangelist’s “line of faith,” I mean just call. He’s listening and His love is already yours.