When my brain first started percolating on the idea of a blog, I was SO excited. I mean, I love writing, I love telling stories, I love the idea of sharing stories across the world (potentially, haha) and I love the idea that I could speak my piece about, well, whatever. I still love the idea, but I unfortunately did not end up doing that – speaking my piece about whatever, I mean.
See, I did research prior to starting my blog, cause that’s just one of my “things,” and over and over I kept reading that I had to have a “niche.” I couldn’t just write about whatever I wanted, I had to decide on my niche and stick to it. With no experience to contradict the overwhelming majority of sources that spoke of the mandatory “niche,” I reassessed and decided that, above all, I wanted to help people. I wanted to make people smile. I wanted to be a place where anyone who stopped by would feel welcome and included and could relate somehow. I wanted to share my spirituality and my faith and my understanding of love. I still want all of those things, but I recently and very unexpectedly, was hit in the face with how I could actually help people.
I say “hit in the face” because it’s been here all along.
I say “hit in the face” because part of me feels like that’s what I deserve for choosing not to see it until now.
I say “hit in the face” because I walked right into the wall surrounding the eye of the storm in my niece and I hadn’t even seen the clouds.
I say “hit in the face” because I’d really rather be hit in the face than open myself up the way this method of “helping people” requires of me.
But I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna do it right now. For my nieces. For anyone that might find comfort or aid in what I have to share. For myself.
I know, I know, that was a WHOLE lotta preface, I bet you’re thinking whatever I say next will be anti-climatic, at the most. Right? Well, that’s up to you.
I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (“GAD”) in December 2016. GAD is kind of like the “catch-all” disorder amongst its peers, which include PTSD, OCD, Social Anxiety Disorder, and the various and plentiful phobias. Unfortunately, GAD is so “generalized” that it does nothing to help me convey what I experience to those who are in some way affected by it. Or to myself. So, me being me, I embarked on a crusade to figure out how to manage whatever this is and help my loved ones understand and do the same.
Over the last year, I have done quite an impressive array of experiments, tried SO many different methods from every part of the spectrum of “wellness,” or whatever you want to call it, and I have read every piece of information I considered viable. I have certifications achieved through courses I’ve taken regarding Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness, Essential Oils, Healing Crystals, Chakra Balancing, and a few others of similar subject matter. Mmmhmm, that’s right, I don’t bluff, I gets to the learning straight away 🙂
BUT, one of the things I haven’t done is talk about it. My experience. Well, not really. See, part of my anxiety issue is what I call The Charade. I pretty much do anything not to appear anything other than the cool, sarcastic, funny, calm, and collected person that I think everyone around me expects. I’ve done this for so long that I, seriously, don’t know how not to. I’m working on it, but…well.
When I found out that 2 of my beautiful nieces were also suffering from a similar malady, I realized that this is probably something that A LOT of people – especially of the female persuasion – are going through. And A LOT of those people are probably just as scared and freaked out as I was at the start of last year. And I can HELP!! Well, I can certainly try.
This was my long-winded way of saying, formally, that my posts in the immediate future will be about things I’ve tried and what I’ve learned in my journey to Balance– which is still ongoing, for sure. It is my first and most fervent wish that something I say along the way, at least one thing, will make a difference for someone. That’s all I can ask for, and all the reason I need.
Happy New Year!!