Life, Love and the Pursuit of Blanks

Yesterday was once in the distant future,

I’d complain how it seemed that time stood still

Then suddenly yesterday was today and then it was gone

Leaving me here  with so many blanks to fill.

How is it that so many years have passed

Yet I still feel like I was sixteen just yesterday

How is it that I was so sure I knew it all back then

And have no idea what the hell’s going on in the world today?

When did it stop being acceptable to find myself

In any way other than married with kids and employed?

When did I become a “sad” exception for lack of the above?

Well, move over Barbara Walters, here’s a newsflash: I’m not sad, I’m annoyed.

I made some wrong turns in life, then made U-turns or right turns

Some days it took four wheel drive and going head-on through the issue

When life has tripped me up, each time I fell, bumps and bruises notwithstanding

I didn’t let anything keep me down for long, and I never plan to.

Now I’ve reached that phase of life where the pressure is on

To fall in line with what’s expected; the status quo

I’ll admit, I let that seed of doubt and expectation be planted

But I’m happy to report I never let it grow.

I’ve been blessed in my life, and in my experiences here,

Each day brings something new to learn, to try

I seek balance, harmony and my purpose in life, followed closely

by the burgeoning need to not let life pass me by.

I tell others to treat themselves better, I tell them

That how they treat themselves is how others will, too

And that if they don’t set the definition and amount of their value themselves,

Then the world thinks it has the right to.

Then one day something dawned bright and clear

This sage advice, I myself had missed

These words I said with the intent to empower and emancipate

Described something I, myself, didn’t practice.

I said yes to everyone but me

Made space for everyone’s needs but my own

I gave my time and love away all the time

And wondered why I felt so alone.

I hadn’t yet realized that saying yes to everything

And to everyone but me, took away the choice

My epiphany came out of nowhere that day

An overdue realization that gave me back my own voice.

I own the fact that I made the choice

Whether it was subconscious or confused

I chose to say yes and put others first

But I didn’t choose for my choice to be misused.

Now full of pride and purpose, I step up and stand up on my soapbox,

With the know-how and the knowledge that I’m more than capable, smart & strong,

With pride and purpose that I feel in every fiber of my being,

I realize what the realization made real for me was true all along.

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